haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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