I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
