there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
