someone threw a dead crab at me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
