Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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