They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
