i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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