my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize