You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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