I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
