I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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