see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
