dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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