would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dignity is for republicans.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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