Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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