There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
