I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you would pick up someone in the library
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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Randomize
