Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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