i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
