Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He shit in the fireplace
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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