if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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