Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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