And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
