quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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