we have pet lesbian snakes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize