Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
