Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
