a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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