Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize