one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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