I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
