all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
