It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
