people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
