i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im holly from the hills drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Enjoy the penises
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
