she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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