Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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