the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
