I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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