I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
