her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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