Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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