That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I love having hate sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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