tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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