Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
