i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
