I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
