i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
time to smoke my breakfast
Life is so much better after having sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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