Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize