Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we're so committed to being not committed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
