I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
