Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
