Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
