Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
