I hate your face
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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