Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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