If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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