i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
