dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
