Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
