I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
