I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
