Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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