This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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