I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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