he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
