Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
