my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Houston, we have a squirter
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I supernannyed him into submission
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
