Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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