your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
