I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
