i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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