Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize