I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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