Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You have to summon your inner elephant
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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