I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
