Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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