so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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