Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
