Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm way too hungover for life right now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
