They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
