For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
