maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
