trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he fucked my hip out of place.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
