So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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