Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize