True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mom said you looked used
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
