In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
