some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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