You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
