Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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