rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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