YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize