Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
