i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
