i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
