Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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