I just threw up on my dentist
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's the barista slut.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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