dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
