I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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