escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize