just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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