I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
