If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
