I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
