Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
