i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
