Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Duck Duck Cougar?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
