Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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