Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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