No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
