Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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