I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
